Care

Hi Bloggie I'm back.....Well anyway I think things will get better, I'm not sure it will, but hope....I'm still hurting, cried a lot yesterday...and some today, don't really know how to deal with everything and then on top of it I'm leaving and it's all so messed up in my head. I am missing people a lot and then will miss more people super soon. I always leave...it's always me who leaves and leaves everyone behind, I always have to start a new, I've done it before...but it wasn't easy. It's hard for me to see people with their best friends, people really caring about everything about another persons emotions, I think that really hurts the worst. When I look at them and remember how it felt, I care about my friends emotions, but obviously not enough, I think I've closed myself of to the point of no return. When it got to much before I just took that part of me and shut it out. And now when I want to have it again, when I think I would finally be able to try again, it's gone, I don't know how to get it back. I care, but not enough, and then I don't even know if I should care as it's just going to make it harder for me. When I look back a few years and think of the person I used to be it's almost like I'm looking at someone else, the way I used to feel about things....I cared soo much that I would always get hurt by it, but my friends appreciated it, now I switched sides, people like me, I have friends and stuff, I'm not out on the sides anymore, but I don't know what I turned into...and the way people think of me..I don't even know what they think anymore. I know they used to like me, before...I'm not sure anymore. I wish I could just curl up in a small ball and sleep till everything is all better. I'm so tired, but I have so much to do, I have so much school, and then I have to help pack. Jesus please help me out right now. Ok well that's all. I really need some prayers sent my way. Love you guys....

Done It Again

Well I guess I did it again, hurt people by having fun. Always happens, I have no idea how to keep everyone happy....I think it's impossible, but others manage to do it so I'm just wandering if it's only something wrong with me? I keep on trying to make things good, try to go by what makes people happy, or more like just put their feelings into consideration but then I have one careless moment and I ruin everything. Problem is it's not a normal people situation where you deal with it and get over it, but I've got some great friends who like to remind me about it every time we talk. I don't know it's really hard right now.

Oh also it's supposed to be Sum 41's concert today, but it was cancelled, kinda sad, I really wanted to go...but ahhh, I had a good evening yesterday hanging with my friends.We're leaving super soon, probably 31st but not 100% yet...I'm super sad to be leaving everyone. In a way I'm glad I get to have a new experience in a new place, but I'm gonna miss people a lot, and I don't know how or when I'll make new friends. Hope it's soon. At least it's not so far so I can still visit once in a while.

I'm super tired now so I'm just gonna listen to music, chat, and maybe do some other stuff. Goodnight.