About Regressing

I wish progression was linear, that when you started upwards you continued that way. I guess that's something life keeps teaching me, I have times when I work really hard and take ten steps forward, and then something happens and I fall back eight steps. Sometimes it's easier to retrace the steps I already took, and sometimes it's almost like the difficultly level increased. 

I didn't know moving on could be this hard. For the last two months I really felt I had a breakthrough, that I was finally making big progress, that I had made the right choice and I could be happier in the future. I'm not really sure what happened to me in the last two weeks, I feel I took all the steps back possible and am starting from square one. 

People tell me I'm wrong for holding on to the past, that I made the decision I made because it was the right one, but the more I'm told, the more I feel like no one understands that I really believe I made the biggest mistake of my life. 

Yes, I believe one day I'll make peace with my decision, but I'm not sure I'll ever stop regretting it. It shouldn't have been like this. I have been trying really hard, and will keep trying, I just wish I hadn't chosen this. 

I'm going to try to stop playing the victim and own up to my decisions. I just need a little more time to learn to accept this. 

Blog Importance

 It's funny that when I first made this blog at 15 I posted every single day, I had so much to say and so much creativity. Ofc when I look back at those posts now, 90% are cringe, but it's still interesting to see how I thought back than, what values I had and what I wanted other people to know about me.

Now at 28 I still try to post at least once a month, as I like having this as a creative space, but I don't find every detail worth writing about. I remember with my first tattoo at 18 I felt I had to make a post about it, since than I have 5 more, and while I may post them someday, I just don't really care to as of yet. I have so much more going on than when I was a teen, yet so much less to share with the world. I guess I learned the value of close friends and sharing things with them, and don't feel everyone has to know everything.

The best part is I have a place to go back to look at old pictures, videos, and thoughts. 

So dear blog, sorry you've diminished in importance in my life. You still have an important place in my heart though and I am really glad I started writing you all these years ago. 

I guess that's all I have to say right now. 

Three

This song came out right in time to express how it feels, three years now... and that's way too long. I miss you!

Value

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