I wish progression was linear, that when you started upwards you continued that way. I guess that's something life keeps teaching me, I have times when I work really hard and take ten steps forward, and then something happens and I fall back eight steps. Sometimes it's easier to retrace the steps I already took, and sometimes it's almost like the difficultly level increased.
I didn't know moving on could be this hard. For the last two months I really felt I had a breakthrough, that I was finally making big progress, that I had made the right choice and I could be happier in the future. I'm not really sure what happened to me in the last two weeks, I feel I took all the steps back possible and am starting from square one.
People tell me I'm wrong for holding on to the past, that I made the decision I made because it was the right one, but the more I'm told, the more I feel like no one understands that I really believe I made the biggest mistake of my life.
Yes, I believe one day I'll make peace with my decision, but I'm not sure I'll ever stop regretting it. It shouldn't have been like this. I have been trying really hard, and will keep trying, I just wish I hadn't chosen this.
I'm going to try to stop playing the victim and own up to my decisions. I just need a little more time to learn to accept this.
