Life Hurts

It hurts, you know, every small thing. You add it all together and it just makes you feel like you want to fall apart. I wish I was a put together person. I wish that I could control my emotions better, be really strong and not let stupid things phase me. Why do I have to be so stupid? I have this idea in my head of who I'm supposed to be and how I am supposed to live my life and I am falling short by a long shot. I don't want to live a life I don't want. Yes life is full of good times, but are they really worth outliving the bad ones? Life has those moments when you just can't stop smiling because you are so happy, but those moments are so rare that when they come around they really stick into your mind. On the other hand the down moments come so often, people always have to do things they don't want to do, some people wake up every morning not wanting to go to work. I rarely had that problem as I loved my job, but I have that problem now, I don't want to study for a test on a subject I don't care about. I cannot tune in. I sit all day being distracted by every small thing that could possibly cross my mind all the while thinking "I should be studying! I should be studying! I should be studying!" and then when I am asked what I did that day I say "I studied all day". Why couldn't life have been fair and got me into the uni I wanted to go to? Yes I am very thankful I am working towards getting a degree, but is it worth not doing what I love for the next 3 years? I wish I knew. I wish I knew the answer to so many things, including why I am such a mess. I want to be normal! Maybe there is no normal, I don't know, but is wanting to fit in too much to ask?