Flash Mob

I was part of a Flash Mob last month on March 22. 

You can't see me in the video but I'm somewhere in there.

 

Joel's Music

I thought I'd share with you guys my friend Joel's blog. He's super good at classical guitar (better then I could ever hope to be) and he recently started recording his videos and posting them on  youtube, he even made a blog for them. So feel free to listen to them... or actually GO listen to them. They're really awesome!.

Just click HERE

Let me know what you think

-Nat

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

20!

So people I am now 20 years old. My birthday was on March 6th, but so much has been going on that I haven't been able to post until now. I celebrated it for 3 days and had an amazing time.

Here are some pictures: 

The people I work with baked me a cake at the kindergarten. It was a nice surprise.

I went out and had a good time with some friends 

My grandparents brought me to a restaurant with Lucy 

 

Basically I had a lot of cakes (still have some in the fridge). I had a good time, now it's time to get back to everyday life. 

Back Again

I had a deal with myself and I was doing so well but you caused me to break it. It's not fair how you can still break things when you're not around. None of this is fair!

Do I Wanna Know?

Listen to this song, it's super amazing. Some days I listen to it on repeat. 
Arctic Monkeys is the best band ever! So if you haven't heard their music before it's time to open YouTube and listen to them.

After Midnight

I can't get my feet up off the edge

I kinda like the little rush you get

When you're standing close to death

Like when you're driving me crazy

Hold on as we crash into the earth

A bit of pain will help us suffer when you're hurt

For real 'cause you were driving me crazy

I can't keep your voice out of my head

All I can hear are the many echoes of

The darkest words you said

And it's driving me crazy

I can't find the best in all of this

But I'm always looking out for you 

'Cause you're the one I miss

And it's driving me crazy

...

Independence

It really has to be enough. Sometimes it's like being dropped into the middle of a freezing cold lake and you know you have a certain amount of time to swim to the shore before you freeze to death or drown. 

You know I found the picture above and I was already thinking about that so it felt really relevant so I decided to post it on my blog. But then I found this picture when I was part way through the post: 

And so yes enough moping around. I am going to try to make the best out of this weekend and enjoy it. I had a decent day today, got stuff done and ate yummy hot dogs. That should be good enough. Plus I get plenty of time to work on my puzzle, it's hard because it's on the floor and it kills my back to sit and make it, but it's fun so worth the pain. 

Also I bought black lipstick today, I don't want it cuz it makes me look creepy (I'm wearing it right now) so I'll give it to my sister when I see her. But I just thought it was important to let you know about my black lipstick, because how many people have it? 

So now that I'm cooler than you I'll leave this post be. 

Bu-bye

Humanity

This evening has been kind of a drainer, I finished work at 5, came to my room worked out and everything seemed to be going well. Then around 7 or 7:30 things started to go downhill. Now I just feel low. I really hate how there are people I'm close with or friends with who can be so judgmental. When I hear someone talking badly about someone to me and then to the person's face they are super nice it makes me wonder what people say behind my back. I know that they've said shit about me before and I don't even know if those friendships are worth it. I was realizing today that I am the kind of person who knows when something is coming to a close but because it's not the way I saw it I don't accept it and when reality hits I get mad that it didn't stick to my timetable. So I want this to be different. It's difficult because it's not like I have so many friends to choose from, but I'm done with this. It's done. I need people who will be positive and uplifting to my life, not people who always make me feel down and don't even like me anyway. Goodbye. I'm starting afresh.
I was just listening to Rob Bell and he was saying how when we are young the smallest things excite us. Getting a new toy can make us so happy and nothing else matters in the world. Then as you grow older you loose that simple joy and that innocence. You realize the world isn't the way you thought it was and every time you hear or see something that hurts your innocence or you once again see or hear something that sadness you deep inside you build a protective layer over your heart. Kind of like a callus. Eventually your head becomes so callused that you loose that childlike joy you've had. You only even notice there was such a thing when you really think about it. I realized I'm like that, lately I've been hearing way to much stuff that makes me not even want to live in the world, and I think over the last few months the callus around my heart has doubled in thickness. It's really hard for me to enjoy the simple things, but I want to go back to that! I don't want to have to worry about people backstabbing me, and getting raped when I go out at night. I want to be happy and smile more. It doesn't mean I can't be aware and careful, I just want to be happy. Not a conscious happiness, but the kind that's from deep inside because I know that I am one with God and he is everything. So with a little effort I'll get there.

Midnight Post

So I'm up in the middle of the week at midnight chatting with a friend about our futures, we're both kind of freaking out as it's really getting to the point where we have to decide what we want and that's really hard. I really am at that point where I have to let go of my emotions and put the in God's hands. It's a lot easier said then done, but he's brought me this far in my life and he'll bring me further. If I trust him and follow his path he'll keep me right where he wants me and I'll be able to deal with whatever life throws me. It's just scary to think about it. I realized though that it's all so exciting, my life now is exciting, and there are things I'd change but it's perfect. It's all about perspective. Yesterday I was listening to this audio and it was talking about how our life is like a puzzle, I was sitting on my floor making a 2,000 puzzle I got for Christmas and because of that it all really stuck, (funny how that worked out). It was saying how sometimes it really seems like that puzzle piece doesn't even belong to the puzzle and looks so wrong, the colors don't even match and you're sure the manufacturer made a mistake and added an extra piece or pieces into the box by mistake. But by the time you get to the end of the puzzle you realize that all the pieces fit perfectly and you just didn't have the other ones in the right place yet. The preacher was explaining how our lives are like that, some people have cancer and they sure as hell can't see where that piece fits in their life, but if they could see the full picture they'd understand. Some people go through the worst things you can imagine, but it's all part of the puzzle and eventually they will understand why it happened and how it all fits perfectly into their life. I'm pretty young now and the puzzle of my life is no where near completion, I can't even see what the picture is yet, I have little ideas from the parts which are already put together, I may be completely wrong about it, but I don't need to worry because in the end the picture will be perfect and God can hang it on his wall... just like I will do with my puzzle when I finish it. Seeing it this way makes me less anxious about things. I hope I can keep my head on my shoulders and relax because things will work out :)

Winter Break

A few days ago I got back from the Philippines, I had the most awesome winter break ever! For those of you who have me on Facebook you've already seen the pictures, but I'll re-post some anyway. 

So basically for 2 weeks I stayed with my friends and we had a 2 week party life, staying up really late, waking up late (most days) and just enjoying everything. 

On Christmas Eve they had a light show in the city 

 Cutest square panda I wanted to steal! 

 Marshmallows 

 Got to finally try beer pong 

 We spend a whole day watching some friends football game in the hot sun

 Me being sexy as usual

 We tried helium balloons 

And I finally got to meet Bella :) 

Wishes for the new year 

 The ones we wrote

 Super delicious pizza this guy made for us

 Food ball

Joel and me doing what we do best!

That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed the pictures and I'm hoping for many more great times like this in the future. 

Nem Adom Fel -Dance Group

Last Sunday the dance group I was in did a performance. I have to say it was the most fun I've had since I've moved to Budapest! 

This are the girls I dance with

The audience.....

Anyway since I was only dancing for a month I learned 7 of the dances and the rest they did without me, but I had a great time, talked to people, danced and enjoyed myself. 

I hope I'll have more great experiences like this soon.

Anyway I have to study now

---Nat

Hello December

I can't believe it's already December. So much has happened this year and in just 1 month it will be over. At the beginning of this year on January 3rd I visited Budapest as a tourist and thought it was a nice place but never even imagined myself living here. And just 5 months later I moved to Budapest (well a small town close by). I'm really excited about the rest of this year. Next Friday it's St. Nicholas Day and Santa will come to the Kindergarten. It's so cute how excited the kids are and I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when he actually does come. Also this weekend the dance group I'm in will perform, I am a bit awkward about it but you know it's something different that I'm doing, and I love that I'm putting myself out there even if it's not in such a big way. I think I'm doing great, sure I still get hit with negative thoughts and feel sorry about myself from time to time, but I'm doing my best to fight it and how you deal with your problems says a lot about you. So I'm trying to let it make me a stronger person.

Some guy once told me: “good things end to make way for better things to come”  I thought a bit how that quote applied to my life with everything going on right now, and I realized it's really true. Like I loved it in Manila but when the time came to leave even though I still miss parts of it I knew it was for the best, and things are so much better now. If I wouldn't have left I would never be here working and going towards my future. I'm really excited to see how things will play out in the future. It's really weird thinking how I will probably never 'move back in' with my family, like next summer I will stay there for a month or 2 but I will never actually permanently live there again as far as I know. --I mean I never know what could happen in my life-- part of me just wishes I could go back there, life is so much easier when you have someone taking care of you and buying your food and stuff. There comes a time in everyone's' life when they just have to spread their wings and try things out for themselves. But at the same time it's part of the excitement! Plus at least for the next 7 months they're just a 3 hour trip away and that's not that far. 

    Oh and last weekend Anita visited me and we did some pictures    

Well I wrote a nice long post and didn't even get around to telling a lot of things which are happening in my life. I guess that's a good thing. I'll leave you with this for now and maybe another time I'll write about the rest. 

--Nat

Snowing + 30 Days

It snowed today, all day, it's still snowing now. I can't believe it's already winter, when will it be warm again?! So far the snow hasn't settled and unless it snows all night by tomorrow it will be like it never happened. I don't really know how I feel about the snow this year. Maybe I'm just accepting it, because hating takes to much energy and I have other things to focus on.  

You can't really see the snow but this is the picture I took of it with my phone. 

Also there are only 30 days left till Christmas :)
This songs playing on repeat like it has for the last 2 years.

Bye

Constant Companion

I want to be a very present companion, counselor, and help to you---not merely someone you know of, or someone you met once but rarely think about or talk to, or even an adviser that you consult from time to time when you have a problem or need to make an important decision. I want to be a constant, loving presence.

I want to communicate with you personally and directly, and not in a distant, formal, or mental sort of way, but heart to heart. I want us to commune as intimates would, to talk things over, to reach decisions together, and to sometimes communicate without saying a word. I want to develop a bond of love between us that you've never experienced with anyone else and can't even imagine.

Learning to converse freely with Me, like learning to be natural, open, honest, and trusting in your communications with any friend, is something that comes with time and practice. It may feel awkward or even seem like work at first, learning to come into My presence and recognize My voice, but if you will do your part by making that effort, I will speak to you. I may give you ideas or solutions or answers to your questions, or I may give you a feeling of peace and well-being, or I may simply tell you how special you are to Me and how much I enjoy being with you. I'm full of surprises, so you'll never know what to expect, but this I promise: I will never disappoint you!

--Jesus

Anniversary

So today officially I have had my blog for 4 years! I know I may not have been the most faithful in posting on it regularly but I have posted at least once a month and for 4 years... and well I can say I'm pretty proud of myself.
I still remember back when I started my blog, everyone was super into that 'blogging' phase so I started it also, now only 2 of my friends keep up with their blogs.
It's funny to see where these last 4 years have brought me, and how much I have changed along with how different my life is. 4 years ago I would never have believed that I would end up being a kindergarten teacher. Actually I hated taking care of kids back then.
I really don't have anything to complain about though, I've had a great life. I got to travel a lot, and I love seeing places.
Next year I will be moving out of Hungary. Part of me is really excited, but the rest is nervous, starting anew in a place where I don't know anyone, or the people I know can't help me. But God always works things out and so I just have to trust him and if it's his will for my life then it will work, if not then he will always open another door for me.
I've actually been really happy this week, laughed a lot and I feel inspired about life. I'm surprised that I'm doing so well. I learned that you are made a lot stronger when you get up after life knocks you down. When you have a hardship it's easy to just wallow, to feel terrible about yourself and not want to fight, but when you fight you actually recover a lot faster and then you wonder why you even let yourself stay down for 5 minutes.
I think I've babbled everything out for my 4 year anniversary post.......
Oh ya and I started dance classes last week, my legs still hurt from all the moving, but that's what I love about it :) I feel like I'm finally getting my lazy ass up and doing something.

Breakup

Well I'm still in the 'ripped into pieces' stage, don't know if and when I'll get better. Probably never. Actually I never thought this would happen. I'll be honest with you, I will not sound like a whinny baby anymore. I've cried enough and now I think it's time to suck it up. It doesn't mean it won't hurt or that I won't cry anymore, but it means that I have to grow up. Break ups happen, and it sucks when you're still frikin' in love with the person when they break up with you. But such is life. I wish we could still be friends, and maybe one day I will write you and tell you that, I promised not to write you, but you broke a promise also....it'll just take me a while to get over my pride before I write you. People tell me not to, but I don't have to go by what anyone says. I'm an adult now, I may not want to be or even accept that, but it's not a choice and so as one I have to act like one and make my own decisions. I don't have the guts to ever say this to you, and so you will never know, but you were my life. I depended on you way to much, and now I know where I have gone wrong, but I'm going to the Philippines this Christmas and my ticket is non-refundable... why can't I just stay with you there, we can have closure, we didn't have that and I NEED that. I really do, but then again I don't, I need closure on our relationship, but true friends NEVER ditch on their friends no matter what. I don't that's for sure, people have ditched on me and now it happens yet again, but I don't. Friendship is super valuable to me, and without it I don't even know the meaning of life. I guess I'm one of the few people who still values friendship these days, and I'm lucky I have friends who still do. I thought you did, but I guess this is different. So goodbye, I hope we can still be friends eventually, in the mean time I'll take time to heal.

-Nat

19.10.2013

So here's a junky picture of the moon, it looked super big and yellow so I wanted to take a picture of it for my blog but it looks super tiny on the picture.
I had a good day today. Met up with some friends and had a pretty great time. I'm realizing there's lots of possibilities for me here but I just need to put myself out there. Some things are coming together already.

I have had 'writers block' for a really long time..I know it sounds really lame for me to say that since I'm in no way a writer. But before I used to be able to just sit in front of my computer and write my blog and subjects would flow out for me to write about, now when I try to update I get nothing even if I already had a whole post in my head beforehand.

I'm going to have a week vacation at the end of this month and it'll be nice to go home and have things like they used to be. Funny how when I had things like that I hated it, and now I miss it. I guess that's how life is, you don't appreciate it until you don't have it anymore. Well I don't want to go back and live there I just miss the company and people around.

It just hit me how sad I am about A Rocket To The Moon breaking up, I really loved that band and I won't be able to ever see them live now. I was thinking of looking up if they were going to come out with a new album and then I remembered that they never will :( Whyyyy!!! At least they still have their old songs for me to listen to and love.

R.I.P. A Rocket To The Moon  --- you are missed.

Tuesday Post

Bleh, my mind is a muddled mess right now. I've done about everything I could to help me think it through. I even went jogging (which I haven't done in over a year and a half) I think my last resort is sleep but it's not even 9 yet and my body clock doesn't let me sleep till at least 10 unless I'm sick or super over tired. I'm not unhappy just a bit messed up. I'm not to sure what's going on with me. Anywayyy..... my jog was pretty nice, ok I'm not a huge fan of jogging, but it was nice to be out and listen to music and go somewhere you never been before. I discovered there's a playground not to far from where I live. I know that's not really useful information for me, but I should at least know my own neighborhood.
How I Met Your Mother (the best tv series ever) has been coming out for a few weeks now, they come out on Monday and I'm able to get them every Tuesday...so basically Tuesday's are really awesome because I get off work, go to my room and get it. Then have a good 20 minutes of laughing. If you don't watch it you really should, it's already on the 9th (and last) season so if you start now you won't have to wait as long as I do for the parts to come out. It is really worth your time.
I kind of have cramps, I'm waiting for them to go away.
Oh and highlight of my life at the moment......

I'M GOING TO THE PHILIPPINES FOR CHRISTMAS!!!

I am soo excited, I actually thought I'd never go back there. I won't be there for long as I have work to get back to but I will enjoy the time I have to the fullest.

I'll leave you with this verse: