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The distance between where you are and where you want to be is shorter than you think. 

This is what I need to keep in mind when I'm struggling in life. 

I really didn't remember how much I hated exams and studying my ass off in general. 

I can't wait to be done this school!

Stronger

One thing I find interesting is that it's so hard to forget the pain others caused you, while it's so easy to downplay the pain you caused them. You think they should understand your reasons behind causing them pain, but never stop to think that maybe their reasons for hurting you were also completely fair and maybe it wasn't their intention for you to get hurt, but it was more a reaction to the pain you caused them. While I want to be able to understand that, it's just so easy to downplay the severity, to think that you didn't deserve this, and then go on feeling sorry for yourself. 

I wanna be a strong person, I wanna be able to move on from all of this and start to really live. I miss being happy when I'm alone.

"Normal"

Life is strange sometimes. 

I really thought I had turned a page on so many issues I had. Yet here I am sitting on my couch in 2021 facing the same problems I struggled with in 2018 but thought were over after that. 

I wish I could just be "normal".

I don't know if I should keep fighting to be or I should just accept that there is no cure to being this messed up. 

I wish I had some answers.

Back to Studenthood

 Dear Blog,

    I am back in Hungary for a month now, and I have to say my life is 100% different than it was. 
It's really strange having things the same, yet so different. 
Some of it is good: I am back in the apartment I loved living in, in an amazing location in the city center. 
Other things are harder: a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of over 5 years, and while it was what I needed, I wish it wouldn't have had to be this way and that we could have lasted forever. 
Anyhow, the topic I wanted to write about: 
    I started studying programming. I knew it would be a challenge, but maybe I wasn't aware of how much of a challenge it would be. I have to say I really like it, I also will add that I feel really dumb all the time. I know that's normal when you start an intensive school, but wow! 
However, since I'm a person who has gotten used to life throwing them challenges at least I am happy that I chose this challenge, and that it's an interesting one which doesn't involve pain (yet). 
    Overall, I can say that I feel up for facing the challenges life is throwing at me, and while it may be hard, I know it's the step I need to take to get to the future I want. I just wish that would arrive a bit faster and without the heartache and struggle it's giving me right now. 

Cheers to this chapter.

   -Nat

My neighborhood

End of an Era

I have arrived to the end of my stay in Spain. I can't believe it's almost over.

I am both super happy to be going home and super sad to be leaving. I guess that's how life works.

This will just be another place where I left a part of me and created new pages to add to the story of my life.

These 9 months flew by so fast, and I am proud to say I accomplished a lot of my goals. I finally learned Spanish and can speak it fluently at a decent level. I still have a lot of improve, but I am really proud of myself to having got to this level. 

I think this experience has shown me that, once again, I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to. I hope to keep growing as a person and develop into the best I can be. 

This is a pic from a trip I went on to a city called Altea, it was a really pretty place.

To Viktor

Another year gone by without you... until we meet again.

Happy Ever After

It's funny how it always ends in happily ever after. But somehow, if there's a part two, the "ever after" is never happy. 

I wish life was easier.

2021

I've been noticing how the world puts a lot of emphasis on the changing of years. I'm not only talking about new years resolutions (which are one of the biggest forms), but also how every person always hopes the next year will be better, that they will earn more money, travel more, lose more weight, and overall just get their lives together. 

I guess symbolically something does change with the start of a new year. Funnily for me this year, with January come some very significant changes. I really felt the years change, probably more than any other year, and it's only January 14th. 

I felt my life was following a certain path towards certain goals, and that they kind of all shifted as the year started, making me question everything. I usually am excited for what a new year holds and ready to face the new challenges, but this year I feel it less than normal. I feel two difficult years in a row really brought my spirits down and all the uncertainity at the beginning of this year didn't help. 

But, if there's one thing I learned over the years, it's that I'm always stronger than the problem and that even if it punches the air out of my lungs, I always get back up and win the final round. Thankfully, I am able to do this with the support I get from my friends and family. 

This year I may have opened the "door" of 2021 hesitantly, and have fallen a few times on the path, but I'm doing my best to stay on my feet and focus on the positive. To quote Shakira, I'm ready for the good times! 

However, this guy really does have a point and I would like to ask the same from life.