I never thought I'd have to say goodbye to my sibling forever, I always assumed you'd all outlive me, or at least stay alive until I was an old lady. I don't even know where to go on from here, it just hurts all the time. I really miss you, and I wish I could have done something, anything, to avoid this. I'm really sorry, really! They say that the pain will subside with time, but I don't know how it'll be right to let it. I know I will have to, but even thinking about that freaks me out. You had so much ahead of you, and you couldn't see it. I know you're in a better place, and that I'll see you again someday, it's just gonna be hella weird getting used to the next 45+ years without having you around. Whenever I see you in a dream it makes me so happy, I hope you keep appearing in them from time to time, because I don't think I could live without that. I know I never really said it, but I really love you. Hope you found what you're looking for out there.
I'm finally on holiday!
I'm super excited because I'm going to explore two new countries the day after tomorrow.
I really really needed this break, as I have gotten to the point where I just didn't care about anything work related, and that isn't good for my professional life. I'm sure these six days off will bring back that spark I'm missing and will help me do better.
Just gotta take it one day at a time (yes, cliché, I know).
Goodbye for now, I'll be posting my travel pictures as soon as I get back.
I am the kind of person who meticulously plans my life, sometimes to a point of obsession, like how much money I can spend daily for a whole year, or exactly what day/month would x thing fit into my life in the distant future. However, just the other day I decided to get out of the work place I hate within the next month and try something completely different. First it made me feel at peace, that I'll finally be able to let go of the stress and anger that I feel every single day. But as the days are going by I am realizing this is not as easy as I thought it would be, this puts certain plans on hold. Things I have planned months in advance might all change with a job change, due to finances and responsibilities. So for the past 2 days, as I rewrote my whole CV I have been kind of freaking out. But hey, I'm trying to look at it as a positive step out of my comfort zone. In a way I'm really excited for what the future holds, and another part of me is terrified. I'm gonna do this though, and I'm gonna make the best out of whatever consequences it has on my life. I guess that's all I can do anyway.
Recently I've been noticing my blog has become more impersonal than in the past. I rarely write long posts or updates on my life anymore, other than my travels. I wanna change this though. I miss writing and being creative. Sometimes I feel all the things I do and want to do leave little to no time for me. I'm always running from one place to another, and it's causing me to neglect "me time". I guess this is gonna be my early "new years resolution", I'm going to make time for myself, at home, at least once a week, for 3 hours. I can manage that - I hope.
I'm the kind of person who wants to do everything and be good at everything, and not only do I strive to do these things, but I get frustrated because there isn't enough time in a day or a week to develop hundreds of skills while getting enough sleep, spending time with friends and family, and having time for myself.
I'm trying to learn to relax and let go of some of my expectations, but it's SO hard.
About a month ago I took a trip to The Netherlands for the first time. It's a place I have always wanted to see, and even though I didn't go in tulip season, it was still more than worth the trip.
Here's some pictures:
