Hi Bloggie I'm back.....Well anyway I think things will get better, I'm not sure it will, but hope....I'm still hurting, cried a lot yesterday...and some today, don't really know how to deal with everything and then on top of it I'm leaving and it's all so messed up in my head. I am missing people a lot and then will miss more people super soon. I always leave...it's always me who leaves and leaves everyone behind, I always have to start a new, I've done it before...but it wasn't easy. It's hard for me to see people with their best friends, people really caring about everything about another persons emotions, I think that really hurts the worst. When I look at them and remember how it felt, I care about my friends emotions, but obviously not enough, I think I've closed myself of to the point of no return. When it got to much before I just took that part of me and shut it out. And now when I want to have it again, when I think I would finally be able to try again, it's gone, I don't know how to get it back. I care, but not enough, and then I don't even know if I should care as it's just going to make it harder for me. When I look back a few years and think of the person I used to be it's almost like I'm looking at someone else, the way I used to feel about things....I cared soo much that I would always get hurt by it, but my friends appreciated it, now I switched sides, people like me, I have friends and stuff, I'm not out on the sides anymore, but I don't know what I turned into...and the way people think of me..I don't even know what they think anymore. I know they used to like me, before...I'm not sure anymore. I wish I could just curl up in a small ball and sleep till everything is all better. I'm so tired, but I have so much to do, I have so much school, and then I have to help pack. Jesus please help me out right now. Ok well that's all. I really need some prayers sent my way. Love you guys....
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4 years ago
1 comments:
Ahh sweety, I'm so sorry your hurting and that you have to go through all this.
Pain is a hard thing, and I can tell you this honestly because I know how it can feel, it may not be because of the same circumstances, but it's still something that keeps you up at night, creates this huge hole inside and sometimes can be unbearable. One thing I have learned however is that it somehow manages to bring out the soft part inside us, makes us more... human.
Mistakes happen, we mess up, that's part of who were are--not perfect! heh But we don't have to let those difficult circumstances change us into anything less than what we are meant to be. You are such a special person Nala, and don't you ever forget that! People come and go, life constantly changes, but one thing that I have learned and found is that Jesus never does! He is always there for us even when nobody else is, and loves us no matter what! No matter if even we're mad at Him, even if we doubt Him and question His wisdom, his love is always perfect. I may not know a whole lot of things, but there is one thing I know for sure, if you are a child of God, ALL things will ultimately turn out for good. We may not be able to see it or understand it now, and it may still be a while till we finally get the big picture... but that is when faith steps in, when it becomes true and perfect like gold! Never let go of your faith! That precious jewel that is part of who you are!
Life may not always be sunshine and laughter, but then again, if there weren't any tears, we would not have any rainbows in life either. Learn to embrace the rainbows, even if it they hurt a little, or maybe a lot.They are part of what shapes your life at this moment, and they are lessons you can learn and overcome, and life experiences you will have that may be a blessing to others!
I love you so much Nala, and I wish I could be there to give you a great big hug in person, but know that you are in my prayers, that I believe in you and that I know Jesus will turn this sadness into joy someday! And just think about it, now you have something you can share with others, you can say, "Yes, I know EXACTLY how you feel! But you know what? You don't have to give up! You can keep going even in the midst of hardships!"
You will be an example of an overcomer!
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